i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
