It's just like the Real World with babies
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
