if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
