I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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