Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
