i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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