I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
PANTIES FOUND
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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