i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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