you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
