i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
vagina is talking i cant
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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