You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
