Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
