@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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