That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
