I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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