Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
