Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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