yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
