why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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