I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think my fart just growled at me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
