i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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