Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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