the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
