fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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