its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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