New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
