so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
