I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
