On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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