Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
