wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
nutella sex= disaster
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
