sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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