since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
