Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
