oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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