Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
