How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
