12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
