Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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