My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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