none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
