my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
