i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
