The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
