Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
