This is not my ceiling
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
