i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He passed out mid-signature
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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