I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He better not be in your backpack
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Randomize
