lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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