I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
