how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
