I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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