She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???