It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
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He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.