And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary