Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
