nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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