96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?