My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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