Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
