i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
