we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
