Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
