**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
