My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
