There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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