We're like a lot better than the average bears
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
