I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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