I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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