why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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