I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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