I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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