I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
