i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
