you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
