4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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