even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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