True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
