i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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