I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize