covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
