Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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