She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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