isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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